


Of Sassy Immortals and Historical Inaccuracies

by totalnovaktrash



Series: All is Fair in Love and Coffee [1]
Category: Merlin (TV), Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Crossover, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Stanford Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 14:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14262519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totalnovaktrash/pseuds/totalnovaktrash
Summary: Professor Ryan kicks off the semester with a rant about Uther Pendouche. Merlin doesn't approve of their teaching methods.





	Of Sassy Immortals and Historical Inaccuracies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UmbraeCalamitas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbraeCalamitas/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Of Art Supplies and Ungodly Obsessions](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14180007) by [UmbraeCalamitas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbraeCalamitas/pseuds/UmbraeCalamitas). 



> So hey! This is the first story in the spin-off series of UmbraeCalamitas' Become the Beast series. We're just introducing a new OC here. Bennie is borrowed from Amy_Winchester's Princess of Destiny. Love you both!
> 
> I'm tagging this as Supernatural because of the nature of the series despite the lack of actual Sam Winchester in this specific fic.

Professor Ryan was the last person to arrive to class.

The miscellaneous conversations ceased at the sound of the heels of their boots clicking against the floor. “I am Professor Ryan,” they said, placing their bag on the desk. “Welcome to Arthurian Lit and History. Now, who here can tell me the names of some of the prominent figures in the Arthurian legends?”

A student in the third row offered Arthur’s name.

Another in the back added Guinevere and Lancelot.

“Merlin,” said a young woman in the front row.

“And what can you tell me about Merlin?”

She shifted in her seat. “He was King Arthur’s mentor. An old, powerful wizard.”

“Tell me…”

“Natalie Green,” the student offered.

“Tell me, Natalie, what makes you think he was old?”

Natalie blinked. “I… uh… I don’t know. He’s always portrayed as the old wizard with the long white beard and the robes.”

Professor Ryan nodded. “Listen carefully, if you want to pass my class, forget everything you think you know about Arthurian Camelot. It’s all _wrong_. Everything you’ve read or seen or heard from other historians is _incorrect_. Geoffrey of Monmouth, anyone know the name?” No one responded. “A British writer. _Historia Regum Britanniae_ ? _Vita Merlini_? Bullshit. Geoffrey lived in Camelot proper during the height of her story and not even he could properly share her legacy. That is because Geoffrey of Monmouth was a senile moron who couldn’t remember what he had for breakfast if he tried.

“During the course of this semester, I will share with you the truth about the great Kingdom of Camelot. Her history is not a legend of adventures and fantasy. This is not a class about _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_ . Understand, Camelot’s story may be a dark tragedy in a land of myth and a time of magic, but everything I will teach you in this class is _true_.”

“Including the magical wizards?” someone in the back scoffed.

“ _Especially_ the magical wizards,” Professor Ryan confirmed.

The class began to whisper amongst themselves as they always did. No one ever began this class thinking Bennie Ryan was sane.

“Oh yeah? Then how come there’re no wizards now?”

Professor Ryan grinned. “What an excellent segue.” They turned around, grabbed a piece of chalk, and began to write a date on the board. _April 23rd, 507_. “The Kingdom of Camelot existed long before the birth of Arthur, but it was his birth that sent Camelot into her darkest days. Does anyone know the name Uther Pendragon?”

“Wasn’t he Arthur’s father?”

“Exactly. Now, if there is one thing I want you to get out of this lecture, it is exactly how much of a massive hypocritical _assbag_ Uther Pen-douche really was.”

The entire class snickered. One girl gasped and the Professor’s smile widened. “Get used to the profanity. It’s going to come up quite a bit. April 23rd in the year 507 was the day Arthur Pendragon was born. That same day, Queen Ygraine died in childbirth and King Uther declared war on the magic users in Camelot. Men, women, and children were slaughtered if they showed any sign of magical talent. This was the Great Purge.”

“What about Merlin?” Natalie asked.

“What about him?”

“Wouldn’t he have been killed?”

“I’m sure he would have, were Merlin in Camelot at the time. Fortunately, Merlin wouldn’t be causing problems for another two and a half years and he wouldn’t be in Camelot for about twenty-three. Now, the Great Purge was the result of Uther making magic illegal in his Kingdom because he and Ygraine had only been able to conceive due to the interference of the Court Sorceress, Nimueh. Uther had ignored Nimueh’s warnings that the Old Religion would take a life to keep the balance and blamed his wife’s death on magic instead of his own stupidity.

“I would like to say that the magic ban in Camelot was the dumbest thing that Uther did during his reign. However, while it was in the top ten, it was not the stupidest. Considering that the ban was one of the primary reasons for his downfall, I truly hope this gives you a sense of how much of a fucking idiot the man was.”

The rest of the lecture was spent on the near extinction of Dragon Kin and the ethics behind Uther’s choice. Professor Ryan dismissed the class with a reminder that they would need the required reading material by the next week. They grabbed their bag and headed for the door while the students were packing their own backpacks. “One last thing, I advise you to keep your skepticism to yourself in my class, Mr. Kennedy,” they said without turning around.

Nobody saw the professor’s eyes flash a brilliant gold, but everybody heard Eric shriek as insects poured out of his bag.

* * *

“Bugs. In his bag.”

“Yes.”

“In the middle of class.”

“Technically, the class was over. Besides, he deserved it.”

Merlin was unimpressed. “You can’t just hex students who get on your nerves, Bennie.”

“I didn’t hex him!” they protested. “Yet, anyway. Besides, I’m the teacher here, I can do what I like with my class.”

Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Speaking of people who deserve to be hexed and students, Grant was complaining about a last minute addition to his class.”

“Oh?”

“Mm. Sam Winchester.”

Merlin frowned. “You don’t think…”

“I don’t know, you tell me, Mr. I-should-casually-mention-that-there’s-an-Apocalyptic-prophecy-and-ask-if-that-would-knock-Arthur’s-memories-back-into-his-head-in-front-of-Gavin.”

“He was drunk! It’s not like he’ll remember!”

“And you lecture me on being more careful.” Bennie looked at Merlin seriously. “Really, what are we gonna do about the Winchester kid?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Keep an eye on him, I guess. Maybe we’ll luck out and he’ll find a coffee shop that isn’t one of ours.”

They snorted. “Luck out. Sure, because _that’s_ something that happens to us. Next thing you know, we’re gonna have an angel infestation the shops. I _hate_ angels.”

“You’re just saying that because of the Crusades,” Merlin reminded them.

“I died like five times, Merlin, it’s a valid hatred!”

“You should’ve stayed out of it like I told you to!”

“Should’ve stayed out of what?”

Both of the immortals jumped and turned around to see Arthur standing in the doorway looking worn. “Nothing!” the two claimed in unison.

“Bennie just made a fair few stupid moves in World of Warcraft,” Merlin lied.

“I’m better than _you_.” They glared at him before turning their attention to the blond. “Let me guess, Alice started her coffee runs early this year?”

“I swear Gwen only lets her do it because she knows it’s me who has to chase that hellion down,” Arthur grumbled.

Bennie laughed. “I don’t doubt it. Food’s in the kitchen if you want. And don’t forget you have to be home _on time_ tomorrow. We’re having everyone over and Morgan _will_ have you killed if you are late again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream with me on Tumblr! I'm dreamhunter-trash <3


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